


Scenes From A Year

by sunsetmog



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 21:40:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11449575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetmog/pseuds/sunsetmog
Summary: "Always got my back, haven't you, lad?"





	Scenes From A Year

**Author's Note:**

> This morning as I wailed _why don't Louis and Niall just get married_ into the abyss, I thought, why don't I just write them getting married. This is... not that story. This is Louis needing Niall and Niall needing Louis. Maybe I will write them getting married another time.

It's four in the morning and Louis can't fucking sleep. 

He sits out on his deck with a cigarette and a can of Red Bull he's opened but not drunk, and his socked feet up on a patio chair, and stares out at the horizon. The sun will be coming up soon, and with it, another fucking day stretching out in front of him with hour after hour he's supposed to fill with fuck knows what. He unlocks his phone and scrolls aimlessly through his messages, only stopping when he gets to Niall's name. 

He sends a text that just says _hi_. 

His phone buzzes after a minute. _Tommo! What you doing up so early?_

_Not early. Late_

_Can't sleep?_

Louis sends a sad face emoji back. He's so tired that his bones have started to ache. He follows it up with a picture of his feet up on the chair and LA stretched out behind. 

Niall's text takes a couple of minutes to come back this time. He's obviously in the middle of doing something. _What do you need?_

Louis lets out a breath. He doesn't text back _you_ or _help_ or _someone to touch me_. He locks his phone, then unlocks it again. _Sleep_ , he texts back after a minute. _Just need to sleep_. 

_Go back to bed_ , Niall texts him back. _Glass of water, wash your face. Get into bed and text me back._

Christ, Louis could weep. He could fucking weep. _Alright_ , he sends back, and wishes he wasn't alone. 

~*~

It's late when Niall's plane lands, and later still when he texts to say he's dropped his stuff off and he's coming over.

Louis's sitting in his living room with a couple of beers open on the table. There's half a pizza from earlier, the box open on the coffee table next to the beers. His notebook's on the sofa. He hasn't showered in two days. 

He shuts the notebook and slips it under the sofa, and scrolls up and down the channels on the telly until he finds something he wants to watch, and waits for Niall to arrive. 

Niall, when he comes, has a bag from Duty Free and rucksack full of snacks from home. 

"Missed you," he says, once he's got rid of his stuff and tugged Louis into a hug. "Missed you."

"Yeah," Louis says, strangely choked up. He claps Niall on the back. "Missed you too."

"You all right?" Niall asks, when he steps back. He's already reaching for his bags, heading for the kitchen. 

"Course," Louis says, and it sounds like a lie. 

"I'll sort you out, mate," Niall says, waving the Duty Free bag at him, but Louis knows he's not talking about a few bottles of booze. His chest—so fucking tight for so fucking long—loosens, just a little, just enough that a sob catches in his throat. 

"Yeah," Louis manages, and he detours off towards the bathroom, throat burning. "Just going for a slash. Make yourself at home."

In the bathroom, he stares at the mirror over the sink and tells himself to _just be fucking okay_. 

~*~

Later, when they're sitting out on Louis's terrace, a couple of beers in hand, Niall bumps his foot into Louis's. 

"You can talk to me, if you want."

"I know," Louis says. 

"I mean it."

"I know."

Niall nods. "I'm here anyway," he says finally. "Talking or not talking."

When Louis starts to cry, Niall wraps him up into a hug and doesn't let him go. 

~*~

Louis sleeps, finally, stretched out on top of the covers with Niall next to him, refusing to go to sleep until Louis's passed out. 

He's there when Louis wakes up, and he's there when Louis wakes up again, and he's there in the morning when the sun streams through the curtains. 

He's there at lunchtime when he comes out of the bathroom, folded towel in hand. "Shower's running," he says. "All you have to do is get in it."

Louis closes his eyes. "Too tired." 

Niall leans over and kisses his forehead. "Get your arse into the shower, Tommo. Unless you want me to drag you in there myself."

There's a part of Louis's closed-off, dead brain that thinks _oh_ , but it's mostly drowned out by the nothing that's seeped inside of him and not come out again. 

"You'll feel better," Niall says. "Well. Cleaner. Then we'll talk."

Louis manages a smile. "Love you, Nialler."

"Yeah," Niall says, and his eyes are kind of sad. "Love you too."

~*~

Niall's back in LA again when the clouds start to lift, when Louis's showering without being told to and he's not living entirely on a diet of takeaway pizza and energy drinks. 

He's let himself in by the time Louis's back from Starbucks with a couple of drinks in a takeaway tray. 

"Got you a Frappuccino," Louis says, coming over to the sofa. Niall's opened the French windows and the ceiling fan circles lazily. He's already got the telly on, and there's a Rihanna music video on. 

"Cheers, mate," Niall says, sitting up and grinning. "Look at you all out of the house and everything."

Louis rolls his eyes. "Can't hide away forever."

Niall makes space for him on the sofa. "It's still good," he says. He doesn't ask how Louis is. They talk most days, texts and a bit of Facetiming sometimes too. It doesn't mean Louis's okay, but he's not how he was weeks ago either. "Tidy in here, isn't it?"

"Got Freddie later on," Louis says. "Can't have him know his dad's a fucking disaster."

"Oi," Niall says. "His dad's a fucking king."

Louis slips down next to him on the sofa. "Will you stay?"

"And see Freddie? Course I will. That kid's magic."

"He thinks you're magic too." Louis fumbles a bit with his straw. "You busy later on?"

It's his way of asking if Niall will stay for dinner, if he'll stay overnight. If he'll keep Louis company when the dark hours stretch onwards into insomnia. 

"Back to New York in the morning," Niall says, and Louis is careful not to let his disappointment show on his face. "How mad are you going to be if I have to set an alarm for five AM?"

Louis lets out a breath. "Pretty mad." 

"Good-oh," Niall says, and bumps his knee into Louis's. 

~*~

Freddie's sitting on the carpet later on, coloured plastic blocks in hand. He's laughing at the stupid faces Niall's pulling for him, a brilliantly evil cackle that settles happily in Louis's chest, a breath of fucking fresh air. 

Louis drops down next to Freddie on the carpet, and lets Freddie climb into his lap as he shows him his blocks. 

He's the best thing in Louis's life. He'll always be the best thing in Louis's life. Forever. 

"I take all these pictures of him," Louis says suddenly, without looking up. He kisses Freddie's baby-soft hair. "They're for my mum, you know? And I know it's stupid. I know she can't see them, but I still take them. It's like this stupid photo album I'm making and I can't stop."

Niall doesn't say anything to that. 

"It's everything I wish she could see, you know? All these…" he stops. His voice catches. "Hiya, Freddie, love. Aren't you a good boy? Are you showing Daddy your blocks? They're the best blocks, aren't they? The best."

Niall slips off the sofa and onto his knees. He wraps his arms around Louis's shoulders, and presses his mouth to Louis's temple. 

Freddie makes a soft, questioning noise, chin tilted up, puzzled. 

"Hugs for Daddy," Niall says, and he sounds a little choked up, even as Louis's bundling Freddie up into a hug and kissing his cheek. Freddie gives wet little open-mouthed kisses now, and Louis's so proud of him. The best little boy in the world. 

He wishes he could take a picture of the three of them, right here, right now. 

~*~

Niall curls around him on the sofa that night, wedged in between a sprawled out Louis and the sofa back. He wraps an arm around Louis's waist and Louis wants to complain or tell him he doesn't need it or wish he didn't want it so much, but Niall's a quiet, comforting weight along his back and Louis's missed having someone touch him. He misses Niall when he's not here. 

"All right?" Niall asks. 

"Yeah," Louis says, and for the first time in a while, it feels like he is.

~*~

_had a banging night out, properly great. Come to London and me and you will paint the town red. Drinks are on me. Love you tommo xx_

~*~

London is bewilderingly cold and miserable for the time of year, and jet lag hits him at just the wrong fucking time of the day. He's had someone pick up Nando's for him, and he's picking at the chips, his chicken burger ever so slightly the wrong side of lukewarm, when Niall texts. 

_Twitter says there are pictures of you at heathrow??? Are you here??? Drinks???_

Louis grins. _Im here_ , he texts back. _Miss me?_

 _Course I did,_ Niall's message says. _You up for going out?_

 _Course I am_ , Louis texts back, and he laughs. 

~*~

They end up back at Niall's at three in the morning, the two of them in Niall's kitchen as he rustles them up some oven chips. 

Louis's messing with the sound system, hooking his phone up to play Calvin Harris through the speakers. There's a bottle of Jack Daniels and he's going to make them both a drink for when Niall's finished fucking around with the oven. He's drunk and happy and the night's been great, even the endless line of paps they had to walk by on the way out of the club. 

He pours them both a drink, then hops up onto the kitchen island. 

Niall sets the timer on the chips, then turns around. He's drunk and happy. "You all right, Lou?"

"Course," Louis says. "Made you a drink." He holds one in each hand, his drink and Niall's, close to his chest. 

Niall grins, and steps into the v of Louis's legs. "Course you did," he says, hand to either side of Louis's thighs. "Did you have a good night?"

"The best," Louis says. They'd danced and had a few drinks and hung the fuck out, a few of their friends hanging out too. 

But now it's just the two of them. 

Niall takes his drink and has a sip, all without stepping back. This close, Louis can see his little laughter lines. 

"I like your hair," Louis says. He puts his drink down and reaches up to pat at Niall's hair. "Like it all natural and shit."

"Yeah?" Niall peered upwards, like he was trying to see his own hair. "Needed a change."

Louis runs his fingers through Niall's hair. It feels nice. "Like it."

Niall smiles. "Good." He takes another drink, lips wet. "Like yours too."

"Good," Louis echoes, and his gaze, for a minute, seems strangely fixated on Niall's mouth. When he tears his eyes away, Niall's watching him. 

"I'm a bit drunk," Niall says, and his eyes are bright. He puts his drink down and his fingertips rest on the countertop, brushing Louis's thigh.

"Same," Louis says, although it wasn't that large a one tonight. Not really. Not in the grand scheme of things. It was just nice. Fun. Being with Niall. 

Niall looks at Louis's mouth, then up at his eyes, then down again. Louis's heart pounds. 

"Think you're brilliant," Niall says, and Louis thinks he's going to lean in for a kiss, but he doesn't. He moves his hand so it's hovering over Louis's dick. "Think you're so good, Lou. Always want you to be looked after, you know?"

Louis sucks in a breath. "Nialler—"

"I could look after you," Niall says. "Right now. I could touch you."

Louis is already half-hard, his dick fattening up. "Touch me where?"

Niall's fingers brush Louis's dick. "Here," he says, and Louis rolls his hips up, hand to Niall's shoulder. 

"Yeah," he says softly, "Niall, yeah."

Niall cups Louis's dick through his jeans and Louis lets out a soft whistle of breath. Niall's concentrating, brow a little furrowed as he undoes the top button, then pulls down the zip as far as he can get. Louis has to put his hands behind him on the counter, try and lift his hips up so that Niall can pull his jeans and pants down to mid thigh. Then his dick's free, and Niall's spitting on his palm and wrapping his hand around Louis's dick and wanking him off. 

Louis's stomach contracts with it, curving in with his breath as Niall touches him. 

"You're so brilliant," Niall says again, as Louis reaches for him, hand to Niall's shoulder. Louis wants to root himself to the ground, to earth himself through Niall. His thumb brushes Niall's neck. "Always want you to know that."

"Top lad," Louis manages, because Niall's touching him, Niall's hand is on his dick, his thumb brushing Louis's slit where he's so fucking sensitive and is slick with pre-come. 

"Yours," Niall says, and Louis whines in the back of his throat, hips rolling up as he rocks up into Niall's fist. He squeezes Niall's shoulder. 

He comes, breathlessly, wordlessly, and Niall wanks him through it, careful and kind. 

Louis closes his eyes, and breathes. 

~*~

He wakes up in the morning to Niall getting dressed.

"Got an interview, then meetings." Niall says, doing up his shirt. "Stay. Help yourself to whatever. I'll cook for you tonight."

Louis, who Niall had wanked off the previous night before they'd eaten chips in Niall's kitchen. Who'd let him pass out in his bed. 

"Okay," Louis says, still half-asleep, and watches Niall leave. 

~*~

 _nialler's a proper top lad_ , Louis tweets, in response to another tweet which is a picture of the two of them leaving the club the previous night. _Love getting to see him !!_

He closes Twitter then, Facetiming Freddie for a bit before settling in in front of the telly. He dozes for a bit, and wakes up cold in the early evening, Niall letting himself in. 

"Louis? You still here?"

"In here," Louis calls from the living room. "I'm cold."

Niall stands in the doorway. He puts a couple of Waitrose carrier bags on the floor. "Cold, huh?"

Louis's chest contracts a little. He bites his lip to keep from smiling. "Used to LA." He waits a beat. "Need someone to warm me up."

"A willing volunteer," Niall says. He smiles. It's lovely. "Do you want a drink?"

"There's some Coke in the fridge. One of them?"

Niall nods. "Back in a minute."

Louis can hear him in the kitchen, pottering around, putting things away. Louis stretches out on the sofa. He's happy. Last night – drunk, a bit jet-lagged, tired – he'd let Niall wank him off. He hadn't reciprocated. He wants to, once he's stopped being sleepy and a bit cold. 

If Niall will let him. 

Niall comes back a couple of minutes later, bowl of Doritos in one hand, two cans of Coke Zero in the other. "Nice shirt."

Louis's wearing one of Niall's vest tops and a pair of shorts. He hadn't bothered with underwear. 

"Thanks," Louis says. "It's mine now."

Niall grins. "Fine, whatever." His eyes are bright. Louis could get lost in them. It's not often he feels this cheesily romantic. 

He laughs, just because he can. 

"Still cold?" Niall asks, putting the snacks on the table. 

"Need warming up," Louis amends, and Niall laughs then, before settling full length on the sofa and hooking his foot over Louis's. 

"This going to help?"

Louis bites his lip. Niall's so close. He's in a t-shirt and jeans, his shoes gone but still in his socks. He's probably got warm toes. They haven't kissed. This could fuck everything up. 

"Always got my back, haven't you, lad?" Louis says, voice soft. His hand slips into the small of Niall's back.

"Course I have."

Louis's smile feels a little lopsided. "I've got yours too. Whenever you need it."

Niall laughs then. "You think I'd be doing any of this right now if you hadn't made me believe I could?"

"You don't need me telling you you're brilliant," Louis says. Niall's fucking incredible. "You're confident and everything. And brilliant."

Niall looks a little disbelieving. "Course I need it," he says. "I need _you_."

Louis's chest feels like it's full of a hundred butterflies. "Niall."

"I need you," Niall says again. "And if it's not… if it's not like last night, if it's just being mates then that's fine, all right, I'll deal with that because it's you and it's me, and I want that, however it comes. You know that, right? It's just you."

Louis kisses him then, touching his mouth to Niall's. "You're brilliant," he says. "My brilliant lad."

Niall flushes. His cheeks are pink. "Louis." 

"Warm me up, love," Louis says, and Niall kisses him then, nervous and a little gentle and off-centre, his hand coming up to cup Louis's cheek. 

Louis tucks his foot around Niall's and kisses him back. 

~*~

Niall makes him steak and chips and fried onions and a huge salad that he makes Louis take some of, even though it's salad and mostly pointless. They eat in the sun room, the rain coming down against the French windows, and Niall lights candles. 

"Proper romantic," Louis says, then goes red. 

"Yeah," Niall says, and he grins. "That's the idea."

After dinner, Louis Facetimes Freddie again, and Niall hooks his chin over Louis's shoulder, making faces so that Freddie laughs. 

"Freddie likes Niall a lot," Briana says, once they're finishing up. 

"Yeah, well," Louis says, glancing over to where Niall's whistling in the kitchen, kettle on, plates going in the dishwasher. "So do I."

She smiles then. "You still coming back at the end of the week?"

Louis thinks about the notebook he's been carrying around with him for months, the half-finished thoughts and lines he's been getting down and then not doing anything with. The writing he wants to do to craft them into something more. The people he wants to call. 

"Yeah," he says. "I've got some work to do."

"Cool," she says. "We'll talk to you tomorrow, then." Freddie's balanced on her hip. "Say bye to Daddy, Freddie. Bye-bye, Daddy."

"Bye-bye, love," he says, waving back at his little boy. 

When he hangs up, Niall's leaning up against the door frame, tea towel over his shoulder. 

"Tea's on the way," Niall says, and he's smiling. Louis wishes he could take a picture. 

"Wait," he says, and reaches for his phone. He swipes to open the camera, and holds it up. 

"What're you doing?"

"Taking a picture," he says, frowning in concentration. He presses the button a couple of times, snapping away. 

Niall just smiles. "Come and have your tea," he says, holding his hand out.

Louis lets out a breath, and stands up. 

~*~

He's in the garden with Freddie when Niall lets himself in. 

"Who's that?" Louis asks, when Freddie looks up at the noise. "Is that Niall? Is that Niall come to see you?"

"Come to see both of you," Niall says, from the doorway. "Come to see my best lads."

"Bet you say that to all the boys," Louis says. He's sprawled over the largest of the patio loungers with Freddie, a stupid, ridiculous four-poster of a lounger with curtains to create a bit of shade if required. They're tied back now, Louis curved around Freddie like a protective U. The bed's covered in plastic little people and cars and Freddie's making noises that may or may not be brum brum. All of his noises may or may not be brum brum, if Louis's totally honest.

"Just my favourite ones." Niall comes over, putting a couple of large milkshakes on the table and kicking off his flip-flops. "Got you a milkshake. Didn't get you one, Freddie, but I did get you… this." He whips out a little stuffed rabbit. "Almost a milkshake, but not quite."

Freddie bounces up and down, then clambers up and into Niall's lap, arms out. Niall settles the bunny into Freddie's arms and Freddie sets out to investigate every bit of his ears and paws with Niall's help.

Louis lifts his sunglasses up. "He might have missed you almost as much as I have."

Niall's face curves into a wide grin as he looks up. "Never," he says. There's a pause. "Know you like having me around, don't I?"

It's a million times more than that. A million. 

"Come here," Louis says softly, and Niall rearranges him and Freddie so that he's propped up on the cushions between them, and Louis can stroke Niall's hair away from his forehead and lean in to kiss him. "Missed you."

Niall's eyes search his. "I love you," he says softly. "Like, properly, to the end of time, think you're amazing and brilliant kind of love you."

Louis kisses him again. "Got your back forever," he says. There's a pause. "That means I love you more, by the way."

"I got it," Niall says, and he laughs, eyes bright, before turning his attention back to Freddie. "Come on, Freddie. Why don't you show me what games you've been playing with your Daddy, huh?"

Louis reaches for his phone, unlocking it and opening the camera. 

"What are you doing?" Niall asks, as Louis tries to find a good angle to take a selfie from so they're all in the picture. 

"Taking a picture of my family," Louis says steadily. "Smile."

Freddie's laughing already. 

"One for the album," Niall says afterwards, sliding his hand into Louis's. 

Louis thinks, _yeah, one for the album_ , and _darling, just hold on_. He raises his chin up, and smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr post](http://magicalrocketships.tumblr.com/post/162784554678/fic-scenes-from-a-year-louisniall)


End file.
